Another milestone … so close, but so far… I keep saying to myself that it does not matter how many views I have on this damn blog, but it obviously does matter . At some primitive, dark level of my psyche. My hands are sweaty and I have this little nervous smirk playing around the corners of my mouth. Will it be tonight, when my faithful 11 fans in the US of A log on? Or maybe by tomorrow … but only if I can think of something noteworthy or hilarious to post?
It is rather disconcerting to realize that my current happiness depends on whether a bunch of strangers, that I would not recognize if they crept up on me and pinched my arse, actually look – in a creepy, voyeuristic manner – and maybe like, my sometimes crazed and not always professional, ramblings. I will keep you informed.
Then … took a ‘rest day’ today and did not get on the treadmill this morning. Maybe, just maybe, I shall attempt it later on… (but I implore you not to hold your breath.) Am still waiting for the wave of euphoria that one is supposed to get from exercising, to wash over me and light up my life. Pffft.
I must admit that the only thing that is healthy about me know, is my appetite. Oh, yes – just call me Hoover for short.
In fact, my mood has been very morbid this week, hence the attached pic. I am tired of waiting and getting my hopes up. Wishing for the best. And yes, I keep telling myself that if it is meant to be, it will happen. But, f$%k, does it ever? Am so sick of the what if’s and when’s – I desperately need a concrete plan, a new direction, with added oomph and vigour, so that I can get on with my life.
I cannot spend the whole day ogling my husband on the treadmill. And watching re-runs of Toddlers ‘n Tiara’s.