Well, Dr took my blood pressure this morning and it was 90 over 75. What I have suspected and been like the past couple of months – Yes, I may as well be dead. A zombie. A sloth.
I am so frustrated with my life at the moment. If I could reach, I would give myself a kick up the arse. (OK, OK – don’t all volunteer at once.)
Got another 2 backhanded, but said in the nicest way, by really nice people, ‘sorry – you didn’t get the job’ mails today. But, I suppose this is at least more humane than the 0% contact I have received with regards to my other numerous applications. And I have been having sleepless nights regarding the one position – it sounded so interesting … and I think it would have given me a little creative licence, as well. Mentally, I have been working on their Marketing strategy, writing posts for their blogs, calling prospective clients, trolling websites and looking for places where their link would slot in perfectly… hell, even touring the country and taking pic’s, sampling menu’s and sniffing the bed linen … earning voyager miles in my busy little brain. Aaarghh.
On the plus side, my little visit to the Dr did at least confirm that it is not all in my head … I had been sitting on a Urinary Tract Infection for a while. So, yay for me … I got more pills to take. I also got a lecture on the negative effects of alcohol consumption for a person suffering with my various … let’s just call them … ailments. Actually, and quite ironically, I am physically as a healthy as a horse, 99% of the time.
Of course, I have being trying to relay all of the above to my nearest and dearest, trying to get him to listen. Musing on my shortcomings. Questioning my abilities. Wondering why nobody likes me. Afraid that I am measuring my self worth on other people’s opinions of me. Deep – I may just go out into the garden and eat some worms. Whaaaahhh!
As usual, S is tired of listening, especially since he is trying to watch the latest re-re-repeat of Top Gear. So all of a sudden, 10 minutes age, a glass of plonk appeared next to me, on the artistically mosaic’d coaster – done by myself, during a manic phase, I might add. I think he his hoping that this will lower the B.P. even further, and that I may become even more lethargic and just shut up until bedtime.
All I can say is … keep it coming …. I deserve it.