I have a yearning … but not in my loins …


Yes. Since I started this whole blog thing, my yearning and deep-seated need to write a cheap and trashy, but exceptionally erotic, ‘Mill’s ‘n Boon’ – type novella, has been growing – bubbling, stewing and convulsing – if you will.

I have been thinking about the plot, about giving it a good old South African flavour. Maybe, even contacting my old Matric school Principal – let’s just call her ‘Nats’ for privacy’s sake – to get some tips. I know for a fact that she did her thesis on just these lurid, cheap-thrill type of softbacks, that your mum used to read, after the TV shut down at 9pm …

Because, let’s admit it – sex, or at least the hint, smell and thought thereof, sells. Now, to be honest, I have not read that many novels – hard or softcover – in the last while. I can zoom through magazines, e-zines, FB and the like. But, when I have to do the time required for the thorough absorption of longer pieces of fiction, I falter. Mainly because, currently, I find that I have the concentration span of a paedophile in an orphanage. So, maybe, before I start with chapter one, I will need to do a little research, a little more reading up, if you will?

But, I can just picture an intregal chapter in the torrid affair, starting with:

Sannie pulled the Toyota into the barn with a stink spoed. As the dust settled, she jumped out the bakkie in her Pick ‘n Pay floral gum boots, and yelled, “Jannie, I know you are in here! And you better ONLY be shearing the sheep!”

Jannie appeared from behind the bales of wool and says, in his best Big Buck accent, “Vrou, what twak are you speaking?”

Sannie, in tears now, replies: “It is just that I heard that that flooze, Magriet, you know – Koos’s daughter – has been hanging around at the auctions, in her Truworths’ jean pant and her K-Way multi-fleece jacket. And I hear that she is trying to catch herself a farmer…” Her bosoms are heaving and the tears are flooding, like the Orange River, down her rosy cheeks.

The sight of all these farm homones make Jannie gasp for his breath. “But, my woman! How can you think of such horrible things? You know I love you like a Boran bull loves a salt lick!”

Come on, whaddya think!?!?!?!?

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3 thoughts on “I have a yearning … but not in my loins …

  1. Fantastic – cant wait for the 2nd installment.

    Although I hate to say that it might not be an international best seller. If you can cope with it only hitting the Top 10 at CNA then you are on to a winner wenna.

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