100 posts … and I missed it!!

Yes, just realized that this will be post 102. And I missed post 100. How very tardy of me. But, in any event, ‘Congratulations and salutations to me.’

Two weekend parenting problems/ moments – courtesy of my kids:

101) My 13-yr-old boy-tween-man asks me this morning, “Mom, what are contraceptives?” I kid you not!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? This is the same kid who has, for the past few weekends home, been stealing the Vaseline out the bathroom cabinet! (I know it was him, since we found the jar hidden under his bed.) The same kid that googled ‘Kim Kardashian does …’ on my husband’s PC at work. The only one that stole the rude, Dutch playing cards from my brother’s cupboard. The only individual in our home who stays in an all-boys’ hostel.

So, I ask him why he wants to know? He has started revising for exams and is in the middle of a Geography module. A most admirable action, but with it’s own conundrums …. Hence, he asks me if I know that, in China, they give out FREE contraceptives and abortions? OK. Be a cool mom. I nonchalantly say, “Mmmm …. and then give him a somewhat vague and rushed overview of what contraceptives are; how important they are; and that a baby can be made in a split second.” The subject gets changed, while I make a note to tell his daddy to give him a basic ‘Birds ‘n bees’ lecture.

I also make a point of asking said father why we are paying exhorbitant school fees if 13-year-old still does not know the basics? I mean, where is he when these conversations are happening in the the hostel dorms, at 9.23pm? Most probably, in the loo …. Am relieved to say that Mr rosfromscratch proceeded to broach the subject, after much prompting from myself. From what I heard down the passage, thing it went OK. (I did interject by telling them – both – that I did not have the funds to raise another kid. And that girls, of all ages, are deceitful and manipulative little beings.)

102) My 9-yr-old madam tells me that Santa needs to bring her one of those “PILL phones?” I kid you not!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? (You will note that this is a very similar display of emotions to parenting problem 101, above. After almost 14 years in the business, it is difficult to come up with fresh and exciting parenting responses.) So, after cross-examination and frantic hand movements, in which she was describing how big desired gift was, we figured that she was talking about a ‘TABLET PC.’

I tell her what she really means – and she tells me to stop being so petty; that she was close enough. At a later date, we will explain to her, based on inside trading information, that Santa shall not be depositing recommended dose of Phone in her stocking this year, due to financial contraints. I will, however, be applying to the Medical Aid for extra doses of the Naughty Pill for this one.

Good new: Guitar Hero is in working order again … I feel an ‘Eye of the Tiger’ session coming on….

And Franschoek-it-all, I am on my way to Cape Town in 2013..



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