100 posts … and I missed it!!

Yes, just realized that this will be post 102. And I missed post 100. How very tardy of me. But, in any event, ‘Congratulations and salutations to me.’

Two weekend parenting problems/ moments – courtesy of my kids:

101) My 13-yr-old boy-tween-man asks me this morning, “Mom, what are contraceptives?” I kid you not!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? This is the same kid who has, for the past few weekends home, been stealing the Vaseline out the bathroom cabinet! (I know it was him, since we found the jar hidden under his bed.) The same kid that googled ‘Kim Kardashian does …’ on my husband’s PC at work. The only one that stole the rude, Dutch playing cards from my brother’s cupboard. The only individual in our home who stays in an all-boys’ hostel.

So, I ask him why he wants to know? He has started revising for exams and is in the middle of a Geography module. A most admirable action, but with it’s own conundrums …. Hence, he asks me if I know that, in China, they give out FREE contraceptives and abortions? OK. Be a cool mom. I nonchalantly say, “Mmmm …. and then give him a somewhat vague and rushed overview of what contraceptives are; how important they are; and that a baby can be made in a split second.” The subject gets changed, while I make a note to tell his daddy to give him a basic ‘Birds ‘n bees’ lecture.

I also make a point of asking said father why we are paying exhorbitant school fees if 13-year-old still does not know the basics? I mean, where is he when these conversations are happening in the the hostel dorms, at 9.23pm? Most probably, in the loo …. Am relieved to say that Mr rosfromscratch proceeded to broach the subject, after much prompting from myself. From what I heard down the passage, thing it went OK. (I did interject by telling them – both – that I did not have the funds to raise another kid. And that girls, of all ages, are deceitful and manipulative little beings.)

102) My 9-yr-old madam tells me that Santa needs to bring her one of those “PILL phones?” I kid you not!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? (You will note that this is a very similar display of emotions to parenting problem 101, above. After almost 14 years in the business, it is difficult to come up with fresh and exciting parenting responses.) So, after cross-examination and frantic hand movements, in which she was describing how big desired gift was, we figured that she was talking about a ‘TABLET PC.’

I tell her what she really means – and she tells me to stop being so petty; that she was close enough. At a later date, we will explain to her, based on inside trading information, that Santa shall not be depositing recommended dose of Phone in her stocking this year, due to financial contraints. I will, however, be applying to the Medical Aid for extra doses of the Naughty Pill for this one.

Good new: Guitar Hero is in working order again … I feel an ‘Eye of the Tiger’ session coming on….

And Franschoek-it-all, I am on my way to Cape Town in 2013..

 

Franschoek is the Bee’s-Knees!

Well, it finally happened. Franschoek is the most popular topic I have blogged on. So, how much longer do I have to beg for redemption?

Anyway, turns out my life after 8pm at night is not so boring, afterall.

Last night started with a bit of, “Remember when…” And before I knew it, S was dusting off the ABBA Greatest Hits, and ‘Fernando’ was echoing throught the kitchen and, in fact, all the way into the park across the road. This lead to me literally Dancing like a Queen all around the lounge furniture, while syping my wine. Out the corner of my eye, I was also watching Will Ferrell, in ‘Blades of Glory’ on mute. I then came to the conclusion that ABBA would have been the perfect source for this flick’s soundtrack, what with all the colour coordinated headbands and ‘retro Puma and Adidas warm-up suits.’

Seems that my R44.99 slippered-moonwalk, flaying arms and ‘Jazz Fingers’  was having an adverse effect on Mr rosfromscratch. I think I threatened to perform on Guitar Hero, as well. (Kidding aside, this mama rocks this game.) Of course, this lead to my wine glass being permanently topped up. I am afraid to say that I do not recall how I got to the ‘Lurrvvve Cave’, after I remembered to take my Zolpidem at 11.11pm.

But I do have vivid flashbacks of what happened there. And I think I was pretty much naked. And I am certain that I was NOT ‘Dancing with the Queen of New Orleans.’ But, I may have been bouncing on the Queen, in the dark. Thank God I am married to Mr – else one of us could have landed up in jail. Have been sitting tenderly, all day.

Remininscing about the good ol’ days has it’s benefits.

One side-effect …. I am going off to the Bon Jovi concert in Cape Town, in May next year. I kid you not. Tickets were booked today – and we even have a lift – thanks, Breyten.

Damn, I must have been good, last night!

Who, where or what is Franschoek?

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Franschoek/108080262557931

It just occurred to me that many of the bloggers that have a squizz at my posts, most probably do not have the slightest inkling of whom, or where, or what, ‘Franschoek‘ is. (As mentioned in previous blogs, people in South Africa do not seem to like me as much as the people in USA, UK and Montenegro – or however you spell that little country – hence my ‘really large’ and exotic foreign following…)

Well, to put you in the know, it is an absolutely fab little place just outside Cape Town. I have visited it on many occasions, and obviously, have a desire to get there again, and soon.

It is where many French Hugenot Settlers came to land once upon a time, and is is world-renowned for it’s super, fantastic wine; good food and laid back vibe.

Obviously, people like myself will never be able to afford real estate in this little corner of the world – but, hey, are we not allowed to visit once in a while and dream big ‘what if’s?’

Mopping in my bra, bro.

If you go onto http://www.ontheinternet.co.za/Household.aspx?code=MM003&Product=Magic Mop&Cat=Household, you will come across this image.

This is a current site that advertises products for sale, for delivery in South Africa. Now. In 2012.

This is not a joke. This is not an ad for a 1973 Datsun.

As a woman, I am rather concerned about who these twots are targeting, by placing a standard half naked woman strategically next to the Fantastic 360 Easy Life Mop they are trying to flog.

There are questions that need to be answered here:

1) Who is actually mopping in S.A. households – women? Or have I been misled – maybe men have taken over this traditionally female chore and you will find males in the household vigorously mopping up all over the place.

2) And by placing a sexy, cute aunty in the ad, the marketers of the mop are hoping to ‘mop’ up in this, assumingly, now male-dominated market  … But, is said sexy aunty wearing the right type of bra? Should she not be in something a bit more lacy and seductive?

3) Of all the many male-moppers out there, how many are heterosexual? Excuse me for taking on a stereotypical view here (although it seems acceptable – considering the crappy content of the featured promotional material), but I can just not see all this mopping happening without limp wrists, an added shot of esteorogen and a high-pitched voice singing, “You don’t bring me flowers, anymoreee….’ So, yet again, the aunty’s placing in the ad is brought into disrepute.

4) Or, maybe, more and more domestic goddesses are turning all gay and lesbian, and this aunty is aimed at them? Hell, I barely mop enough in my house – how would I know what the lady of the house next door is up to at book club, with her mop?

5) And finally, give me a show of hands – all of you fanatical female moppers, who just had to have one of these Magic Mops, ‘cos there was a sexy aunty in a tube bra casually positioned, but not directly related, to ANYTHING in the ad!

Bet you this was yet another low-budget ad campaign, thought out by a bunch of sex-starved men, on the third floor of a Cape Town ad agency, jittery on caffiene and totally out of touch with who actually wields the mop in S.A.’s middle class suburbs.