Secret Santa and the Stinking bank

Those local yokels in SA will know that the Saffer Blogs that are worth their Christmas in Candy, have entered Secret Santa Campaign.

I am thrilled to say that I received the name of the aunty on whom I shall be bestowing a jolly gift, this festive season. And I know exactly what to buy … and where.

On a more sombre note – today I wrote a stinking letter of disgust to the CEO of a National Bank. (Not FNB, Not ABSA, Not Standard, Not Capitec.)

I am pissed. I am sick of listening to freaking ad campaigns on the radio declaring their interest and dedication in helping small businesses in this rainbow nation of ours. How they care and understand. How they want to help you and your employees and your investors. EVERYDAY – every hour.

Bull – sH%t – twot.

F$%king useless.

I feel a nice little complaint to the banking ombudsman coming on.

Franschoek – you can make it all better.

No. Really.

Have reverted to watching a 5x rerun of Toddlers ‘n Tiara’s. It is that bad.

I want a prezzie – tell my Secret Santa…

if you go and check out , you will notice that The Stiletto Mum is organising a bit of Goodwill and gift giving and all that – for the Festive Season.

And I have decided that I am there, like Fred Bear … It’s on, like Donkey Kong …

How it works: I think you get over to the blogsite (apparently, you don’t need to be a blogwriter – just reading a few of them is enough), and make your voice known – then you get put on the list and there is a big mix up, and, Voila – you get a prezzie in the post!


You are also supposed to write a little about you, yourself and Irene – so that the Gift-or can bestow on the Gift-ee a prezzie that is worthy.

Now, a study on the habits and deep-inner psyche that makes up ….

– I am not a big reader, although I love how-to books and, yes, I soak up the Ideas mag every month – also the Essentials, Your Family, etc, etc.

– Love my baking – cute little cups and gadgets and books and decorations….

– Please do not buy me chocolate – this is the one thing that I just buy for myself, whenever I feel like it. Not a novelty in this house, more like a grocery cupboard staple.

– Am quite taken with the value for money stuff you get at Mr Price Home, especially the eighteenth-voertsek-Victorian-Botannical stuff, with the birdies, butterflies and twigs and orchards.

– I bubblebath every night, except for when I wash my hair in the shower. I love a good bottle of nice smelling stuff. And have discovered that the most expensive is not always the nicest or lingering. With this said, I will, however bend over backwards for anything from the Charlotte Rhys range.

– And I am ashamed to say I use linen mist every evening – but only on my pillow.

– I have no issues with Clicks products.

– I love a good laugh

– I love retro stuff, especially tins, posters, kitchen paraphenalia and bluntcards – the ruder, the better.

– I am not adverse to dangly earrings and vintage jewellery and wine.

– And Franschoek.

Well, that should exploit the gift budget of 100 ront a 1000 times over….

You got that right.

My advice to you is: “There is a pill for every ailment, even yours. Pull your thumb out your arse and find it, so I can take it for you.”

As you all realise by now, I am all for meds. At some point in our lives, we all need a little help. And the most important thing, is to accept this, and the fact that some individuals need more assistance than others. I, for one, know that my after-breakfast and after-dinner mints, have stopped me going to jail for verbal and physical assault, lewd behaviour and acts involving out-of-control spending on mosaic tiles and beads. And I accept that, currently, this is best for me and all those around me, who love me (OK … and those who don’t, as well.)

You, my neighbours, my mother and my sane friends know that they – and I – will be just fine, as long as you, and they, don’t tell me to, “Snap out of it!” And I am a pro at putting on my ‘happy-face’, sometimes leaving the house and dealing with it. Luckily, my obsessive-compulsive streak and inane fear of what others may think, allow me to do a variety of things (like putting on a mask and baking and drinking) really well. And I crave praise and compliments – like a bouncy puppy – they make me want to bop around and do even better!

My husband, I assume, knows how to handle it – and, therefore, has remained relatively scar-free for the past 20-odd years. And it definitely spices things up. For him, some days are like waking up to a whole new me! Heee-haaa!

But, with this ‘history’, I am an expert on most topics relating to mental wellness, or lack thereof. And, if I had extra prescriptions to fill, I would so love to play Secret Santa … there are way too many individuals that would benefit from a decent dose of meds.

In the meantime, though, if you are feeling and acting slightly unstable, come into my personal space, Dr Cupcake will gladly administer a dose of attitude adjustment across your mug. For free.